Into the driving rain I slip,
My cloak clings damply to my knees;
No sooner than I run, I trip
And then begin to choke and wheeze
Until my throat is thick with bile
And I am doubled o'er with pain.
I tarry, retching, for a while
Before I chance to run again.
O how my once-proud beauty wanes,
I feel it fading into gloom
As I languish day by day
In my wintry, darkened room;
Yearning for a golden arm
Of sunlight; just one warming ray
To touch my skin. What harm
Could that possibly do, I say?
But no. He keeps the curtains drawn
And leaves me to a doctor's tricks,
While his possessiveness I scorn
And my escape I plot to fix.
I
Now within a universe
Of coffee shops and winking lights,
My treasured memory of you
Reluctantly resides.
Each gentle touch and languorous look,
Each utterance divine
Seemed causing thro' my veins to throb
Such strong carnelian wine
As I had ne'er drunk before,
Nor even dreamt to taste.
O! Would it were not tainted so
By ever-encroaching haste.
The book we wrote was short
My contribution shorter still;
But fierce and fervent was the pen
That drivelled out my will.
And thus, my love, I pray
You may recall occasionally:
The girl whose head you turned,
And fettered spirit you set free.
When you see me,
Foreign flesh,
Dark hair,
Living in a decent house,
Going to a respected school,
What do you think?
Do you hate me?
Do you want to kill me?
Do you fear me?
When you see my mother,
Body shrouded in black,
Eyes peering through a thin slit,
Rarely leaving the house,
What do you think?
Do you hate her?
Do you want to kill her?
Do you fear her?
When you saw my father,
Long, greying beard,
Dark, tanned skin,
Fierce gaze, but loving smile,
Standing brave and true,
In court,
What did you think?
Do you hate him?
Did you fear him?
When you sent him back home,
Did you want to kill him?
Because thats wha
You know,
Just the other day,
I saw something
That made me deeply sad.
An old friend of mine,
Had announced his views as
BNP.
I remember how numb
It made me feel.
Did he forget the times we shared,
Playing on the Sega,
Or the barbeques that we shared,
Munching on a burger in his garden.
How about the pokemon wed
Traded, or the laughs wed shared when
My sister said she wanted to
Marry him.
Did he forget the times,
That wed spend ours in front of the TV,
Together,
Laughing at silly cartoons.
I only wonder that,
If hed met me know,
For the first time,
What would he do?
Would he stab out his cigare
...more alive than ever.
So, Deviants! Did you miss me? No?
I thought as much. After all, two years is a long time to miss someone whom you most likely haven't met before in the flesh. But I digress.
Who knows what this new resurrection will lead to? I certainly don't. If you happen to know, you deserve to be hailed as a living miracle.
Hold on to your seat belts, my friends...
For Naz is back.
Is to curl up in my sleeping bag - with my Indian spiced tea in one hand, the Claudius Novels in the other - and be left in complete solitude for a very long time.
I'm sick of my school and everyone in it. I'm sick of my parents. Most of all I'm sick of myself. If only I could step out of myself for a while and be rid of all the tension and negative material I'm carrying around...
The closest thing to doing that is losing myself in a book - but then I can't even do that, because I don't have enough time. I never have enough time for anything nowadays...